A Halloween Blog Post

It just wouldn't be right if I didn't supply a MOM joke on Halloween Eve...

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg. He writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate.

Very Truly Yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he write a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find the enclosed monk’s habit. The long robe with cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

Very Truly Yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he write the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which read:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on the crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a carmel apple.

Very Truly Yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Come on kids, it's your civic duty!

I don't care who you vote for as long as you vote for the same person I want! Ok, so that's not really true. Yes, it's no secret who the B cups support, but here's the real deal. I'm not interested in trying to talk you into supporting the donkeys and I'n not interested in being urged to vote for the elephants. Fair, right? So HERE IS what I am going to try and talk you into. Know the issues. Learn the facts. Don't let some TV commercial producer assist you in making these very important decisions. Knowledge is power bloggey voters and if you still don't know who you are going to vote for then, "what in the sam hell are you waiting for?" Seek out the candidate the most aligns with your beliefs and get your tail in line to vote. Complaining will not be tolerated by anyone who does not give a rip enough to learn the facts and take a stand. With that said, mark your calenders to do the right thing and vote (ok, so a little fun isn't illegal is it?). So everyone is talking (and talking and talking...) about Obama vs McCain and Franken vs Coleman and Madia vs Paulsen, but what about the other issues? (Insert Tim, the toolman, Tailer, ahhhuuuh noise here.) I know! There is more to think about! For example city offices, judicial offices (mental note to call Bean for input) and the Clean Water, Wildlife, Cultural Heritage and Natural Areas Amendment. So you have 6 days and counting. Getcher head in the game and learn about what you need to vote on. Here's how to attempt to wrap your brain around all of this if you live in Hennepin County. From the county website you can get yourself a sample ballot just by typing in your address. Great now half the battle is done. You know what is expected of you now get on out there and vote. Got cha!

The best-est little/big apple tree, ever...

I know you were expecting a little romance today, but I lied. Get over it. Maybe tomorrow. Instead you get a story about a sorta sickly looking apple tree. A tree no more than 8 feet high, at best, rooted firmly in front of Grandma C's farm house. FYI-Grandma C., Dolores, Tootie is my Hubby's maternal grandma. A titch of arthritis, a smudge of Parkinson's and just old fashioned growing elder has taken grandma from her farm into town to a nursing home. So back to this little/big tree. It hasn't been trimmed, or watered (outside of mother nature's realm), or worried about and it certainly has not been fertilized in some time. But still this little/big, guy/gal has persevered and produced a bounty of beautiful apples. Weak looking branches hanging heavy and low because of the sweet, red weights attached to its arms. How could we drive by without stopping to collect the perfectly ripened pomme de terres? We couldn't. We picked a paper bag full AND still left the tree with more fruit for the next passerby. What to do with 50 lbs of apples? Stay tuned to see. Thank you Grandma Tootie!

Belated Fashion Friday: East Coast Trend

Oh for Pete's sake, better late than never people! I'm a woman of my word so today we have a belated Fashion Friday tidbit for you. The B cups have arrived back in msp toting a little East coast fashion update in my carry on. EVERYONE (who is seemingly anyone) is doing the, "tuck." Channel your inner English rider because it's all the rage this season. Some heels, but mostly flat or wedge heeled slouchy (sometimes slim-biatches) leather boots in black, brown, deep blue or grey are pounding the pavement in the big apple. So sorry if you broke your piggy bank last year on a pair of these but alas the Uggs are out and these are in. Ok, fine still a few Ugg-ly boot spottings here and there but they are outnumbered 10 to 1 (at least). I can tell your mad. You think the, "tuck," won't work since you aren't a stovepipe-jean-kinda-gal, right? Think again. I am anything but the skinny jean type and I found the perfect pair to match up with my boots at JCrew. Try the, "Matchstick," fit which is definitely and straighter jean, but without the super low rise which leaves you susceptible to the, "quarter slot." I know you are gonna poop your, "Matchsticks," but this is coming back people! I know! But wait, there's more. The legging will not die and is currently being paired with these same boots and longer, bum covering, sweaters or T's and short, leather biker-esque jackets. Before you get all jazzed up about not having these items in your current line up consider this. The staple colors of brown, grey, black and white are still totally, "it," and can be mixed and matched in any combos. Black leggings, grey sweater, brown saddle boots? Yes! White shirt, brown jacket, dark blue jeans and black boots? Yes! Seriously, all neutrals are alike and can be paired how ever your little heart desires.

Speaking of hearts-tune in tomorrow for a tiney-eeney dose of romance.

"Sup," in the city:

Hot off the 34B cup press... What's, "sup," in the city my blogging peeps... Are you ready? This is so fun... The house, and when I say house I mean mansion, that Mr. Big offers to buy Carrie in the Sex and the City movie is the SAME house I have been working in for the last few days. No need to read again. It's true! 2 East 63rd Street was used in the incredible apartment scenes AND is the location for the Holiday House benefiting the Susan G. Koman foundation! Go back and rent the flick and the room you see when Big and Carrie walk in the door... YES! it's the room my firm has for the show! Want proof? Here's what I know... One block off of Central Park, 5 floors, allegedly on the market for 70 million bukaroos, complete with an interior courtyard and library, living room and dining room dating back to the late 1800's (A plus sighting)! Yes, it's true it is in major need of come TLC, but still unbelievable real estate in NYC. Click here for more information on this amazing address! PS The girl working on the room next to us is a contestant on Top Design-I know never watched it either (D minus sighting). So today while walking to the house I passed Adam Sandler on East 63rd between Park Avenue and Madison Avenue! (PS his chin is getting super chubby-I know-happens to the best of em)(A minue sighting). So the evening got better when walking to get a glass of wine at the renowned Odeon (Tribeca) and stumbled across a taping of the new pilot show, Fringe, for FOX and saw Joshua Jackson from Dawson's Creek (B minus sighting)! So just when you think, WOW, this girl is where it is all happening consider this... For the 1st time since I have been traveling to this city I saw NOT ONE but TWO rats on the same day down deep in the bowels of the city's subway system. Not quite as glamorous for sure. Also, not as glamorous flying coach back to the midwest tomorrow morning. BUT, stay tuned for an update on the Fashion Friday: The MUST have-being seen everywhere trends from the big city.

Baby talk.

Incredible. Absolutely, positively incredible. All these gals who were barely responsible enough to get passing grades and hold on to a part time job in college are now fostering our youth. I can't wait until Claire gets old enough for me to teach her the tales of living at 345 Ramsey Street #3. I'm gonna teach her important lessons like doing a, "bed check," every night when spring breaking in Cancun. I'm gonna be sure she knows to beware of budget hair salons and N-E-V-E-R mess with Texas. Amira my sweet deara... Just wait until I can tell you all about your Auntie Bean (not enough dirt on your mama yet-but I will be forever grateful for the pant-less ride home). That Auntie of yours, she's a smart one AND a tough one. Don't you worry she'll always have your back when a drunkerd steals your New Castle. Your Uncle Brian? Well, we aren't even going there until you are at least 18, maybe 21. Baby Charlie, I just wanna pinch those big cheeks and twirl my fingers in your curly locks. Ladies beware and gosh forbid you EVER get tangled up in a crew as crazy as these Maverick ladies. I'm not even going to talk South Padre Island for fear of resurfacing stories about the lady firefighter (remember the hotel room dance off? Eye-yiy-yiy-yiy-yiyyyy!!! Bottom line. You're mama has alot to be worried about. Whoa, Noah! Where do I even start? You're mom would like to you to believe she always towed the straight and narrow. Soooooo not the case-I mean she could barely guide the, "Gutless Cutless," straight down Balcerzak. Wait till I tell you about all the times she flashed the neighbors out the front window. Wait till you learn the hard (or should I say disgustingly warm) lesson of the calico beer. I can't help but wonder if you may not grow up to be a traffic cop considering your mommy's years of stopping traffic. Miss Ames... You my friend have more tales than I could ever tell. Your best bet it to wait to have children until I am tucked away safe in the alzheimers wing of a nursing home.

Thanks again Mav gals for a fun day of catch up. I love you all and can't wait to do it again (maybe Front Street style next time?).

This is how we do it...

When it comes to beer consumption we, the united folks of the Grove, know how to hammer em down. When it comes to brewing and bottling... it may be a different story. Don't get me wrong our custom brews are perfectly hoppy, but our crew may not make it working a day on, "the line." It seems to me there was just as much sampling going on as bottling. The boys filled the sterile bottles with CO2 and icy, "cold beer, here," (as Wally would say) while the lovely dames added the custom, "Catfish Bait," and, "Fuzz Nuts Walnut Ale," labels (illustrations of the labels to follow in another post). Good thing we were able to keep ourselves (and the other brew-goers) hydrated, cuz dividing a keg among six cases of 21 oz bottles ain't for sissies (btw: plural sissy? Sissys' or Sissies?). It's a damn good thing we brought a mini van (kidding-cool it NJ) to load em all up (and even better that we brought our own slave laborers). Now don't shed a tear for us. After a hard day (1.5 hours) of working we needed a little nourishment (cue the cute, old fart who brings his own Schell's beer mug in a protective carry case to Bennett's) and a happy hour to unwind from all the drinking, er bottling. We grabbed dinner at a finer diner. Tell me the sign isn't the coolest thing next to sliced bread, or should I say next to TV dinners?!? No joke, the nightly special was a pot roast TV dinner served on a stainless compartmentalized tray complete with a glass of red wine and a rice krispy bar. Catfish (not to be mistaken with Confucius) says the best dang pot roast he ever wrapped his lips around (don't tell Lola). So we had a few more beers (I thought it went without saying but, FYI, never order a beer with a pheasant on it) and just when you think THIS is really living the high life... we top the night off by seeing a local celeb (too obvious of us? Profile isn't giving it away? Look again-one table over-there see him?). So there. No more sayin' I never take you any where nice.

PS It's all about who ya know. Lucky for me I have a BFF who is THE best graphic designer in the biz. Just wait till I can figure out how to post the labels she made for us. Ames you are THE best. Thanks again.

Just another rat...

...trying to maneuver in the big Manhattan race. Running my tushey all over the place. I musta logged 10 miles AND still I drag my tired butt to the treadmill. But, I could hardly drag my big ole bummer to the computer. AND I have material. Good blog material, but I've been up since 4am and if I try and tell ya about making beer and babies (not making babies-friend's babies) right now I just won't do it justice. So hang in there more to come from the East coast tomorrow (at some point). Hope ya had a rockin' weekend. Sorry I didn't pick up when you phoned from the, "whoo-skow."

Fashion Friday: Fall Footwear

Pack away your sling backs and peep toes-it's time for a little more coverage. Today we focus in on some of my personal favs with a focus on comfort. All the featured styles are just as comfy as your Converse All Stars with a dressy-casual-classy-sorta-thingy-rockin'-on. No 3" heels to get caught in your pant leg (seriously, I almost broke my arm) and no sore tootsies. A pic is worth a thousand words, righto? So I'm gonna try and keep my jaw flappin' to a minimum and do some, "show," minus too much, "tell." Boots. Love. Ankle. Oh-my-goodness. Pair em with a straighter leg jean and tuck your pant leg safely into the boot. Cute. Flats. Adorned. Simple Style. Athletic. My favorite "pop" of color. All flat, all fun. My fav fall site to do a little online shoe shopping is Seychelle. These peeps feature fab footwear, that fit well and won't draw your hubby's attention the the check card balance. Check out their grey, scrunchie ankle boot, my beloved wedge perfect with jeans, the MUST have staple for the season. Happy shopping!

So. Freakin'. Cool.

Unreal. Unbelievable. Un-every-single-word-you-can-think-of-that-means-cool! I am officially obsessed with something new (my husband is gonna kill me). I swear-I was sooooo many things in my former life. A rocker, a starving artist and maybe a go-go dancer. Here's the deal. I do all these things: sew, paint, play instruments I have never played before, the list goes on and on. I love all things creative, it's just, well, my implementation usually sucks. But these people DON'T suck. They create things I wish and hope and dream (and wish some more) that I could create. I mean this deer head is the coolest thing I have seen in a long time-covered it the greatest retro wallpaper you have ever seen. This pillow is kitchey with a capitol, "K," for Kool! This great little print to cluster with some of your other favorite works? All this and hours of more creative stimulation at collar would be such a fun statement piece to have in your fall wardrobe line up AND who doesn't love another creating prints so all us poor folk can have great art too! Frame this 8x10 in a crusty, old antique frame and call it a day (and it's only $20!!!). This necklace would look great against a bronzed chest in the summer with a faded, vegetable dyed tee and a perfect denim. This is mine! All mine! I love this print! The artist sold the original at some fancy shmancy store and is now Poppytalk Handmade which is updated each month with more great stuff. Don't buy anything I want. I call first dibbs.

Think outside the punkin'

Fall is in full force in the land of red, gold and umber colored foliage. I can see my breath (and sometimes smell-gross) early in the morning as Miss Kato and I make our morning lap around the hood. Summer annuals have bitten the dust and are replaced with more hearty stock. Mums, pansies or flowering kale can take the cool evening temperatures. Markets are overflowing with pumpkins of all varieties. With that said, this year go out on a limb! Instead of the old faithful pumpkin of years past, splurge on some heirloom pumpkins. Stack em up like I did to add a little height to your outdoor presentation or spread em around. Love her or hate her-you must admit, "jail-bird Stewart," has good a few good idea-rs rolling around in her squash. I mean this is quite possibly the greatest jack-o-lantern ever. If you have a little goblin running around your pad try and tell me they wouldn't think this jack-o-clock is the bee's knees?!? Hosting a little Halloween bash? Try this spread out. Ok, how cool would this be in front of your haunted house? Go ahead, get nuts, think outside the pumpkin.

Happy Birthday Noonce!

You all remember Noonce, don't ya? He's the greenest of the clan, the baby, if you will! Righto! The, "baby," is celebrating 24 years of fabulousness today. He's my go to man for ANY mathematical questions (he can do it in his head, while I still have to, "carry the one," on paper)! He's only THE best Trivial Pursuit, Cranium, Pictionary or Cribbage partner in the world! He's one of those who holds all the useless knowledge in the back of his mind. Go ahead try and quiz him on movie lines, an 80's hair band play list or the batting average held by any of our home town 9. And the best part? He always takes my side when I pick a fight with his brother! This SWM stands about 6'-0" tall, enjoys sports, the outdoors and the occasional (who am I kidding? This guy can hold his own!) icy cold brew. He comes from good Midwestern stock (hence fantastic in laws), has the most fun sister-in-law on the planet (duh-me you nimb-wit.) and is a personal banker by day (what he does by night is his own biz). Now accepting applications for cute girls ages 23-30, who like all the things I like and who consider Ramblings of a 34B cup to be literary greatness (too far? I'm just lookin' out for the feller!). O.K. Happiest birthday evah D-I loaf ya!

My drill sargeant's so damn mean...

...took a piss in my canteen. Read on... You'll see what I mean...

Just when I thought fall was inevitable we were granted one more weekend of summer. I was in H-E-A-V-E-N! Taking full advantage of the unseasonably warm weather must have been a sign to get my rear in gear! I accepted the fact the house was not going to paint itself and the, "lawn boy," wasn't going to show up at my door ready to work (unless you call me convincing my hubby to let the ducks fly one more day my, "lawn boy."). Cue the stir sticks and drop clothes. See the before shot (left) of my cute little hacienda? Notice I left the address out of the photos in case their are any freakies out there reading (Think I'm kidding? Did you notice my blog followers? Not talking my cous or this cute blog by Gracie... I'm talking Celina (who I have blocked) who's blog is called Nude City. Yup. Porn. Not good stuff-bad, bad, bad.) Ok, where was I? Painting. Ya see good, free help is hard to find. But I must remember to not be too hard on the working hands. Lord knows I ain't climbing up here. But the nice weather gave us the opportunity to actually start AND FINISH a project. Praise be. (I forgot the after shot... tomorrow..?) But before you go calling me a, "drill sargeant," consider this. After the sunset I let my handyman/lawn boy relax by the fire. A picture perfect night with the absence of wind (and bugs) to grill dogs (not this dog, this dog) on the open fire. For the first time in a long time I sat completely still, listened to the crickets chirp, gazed up at the star filled atmosphere and sipped on a great glass of pinot noir. I thought to myself this is a perfect moment. I gazed over to tell my hubby, "thanks for all the hard work-I really appreciate it-you're pretty great," and here is what he had to say. Nice.

Poll Results

The poll is in! Let's hope the turnout for the presidential election is a bit better... Seven folks weighed in on the prickle factor. Here's how it all, "shaved loose." Two peeps or 28% decided they prefer a face as smooth as a baby's butt. Five folks or 71% said they don't mind a little "stubble rash," after playing kissee face. To the left is my hubby (sporting a day 4 shadow)(he'll kill me... said he wants to approve all photos of him prior to posting-ya right!) and the Disgruntled Princess (not worried about a little snuggle burn).

Have a fabo weekend, ya hear?

Fashion Friday: Denim, "on a dime."

With the world economy sliding and everyone seemingly pinching the hell outta every George Washington we MUST pursue economical fashion. By this I don’t mean pulling the crap out of the archives in your closet (think huge flannel shirts, jackets w/shoulder pads or tapered leg jeans)(BTW, if you still have any of this stuff-purge immediately). I mean finding up to date styles at a fraction of the cost thus allowing us all to maintain our necessary means for survival (i.e. buying a venti, non-fat, sugar-free, vanilla latte everyday). Today we talk about THE most important item in your closet. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You are nothing without a pair of GREAT fitting jeans. Get rid of all the ill fitting denim, and restock your closet with one or two staple pair, which make you feel like a million bucks (without spending $100!). You read it right. Find the best designer jeans for less than $100-actually for just over $50! Impossible? I think, actually know, not! I have never been a big consignment shopper (not that there is anything wrong with it). I’ve just never thought of stopping to dig around, and if I am perfectly honest, the smell of Goodwill really bugs me. But, as I weed out the, “no’s,” from my closet for the fall I was feeling a bit guilty about all the items with price tags still attached. I thought I would try my hand at consigning my things at Turnstyle. As they flipped though the pile of things I was dropping off I spotted a rack of jeans labeled, “designer denim.” I was shocked to see pair after pair of my personal favs! Seven for all Mankind, Citizens of Humanity, Joe’s Jeans and the list goes on and on. Some I recognized as the styles/cuts from 2008 FOR $59.99 INSTEAD OF $175.99 (if you wear a 31 or 32 waist RUN don’t walk to Turnstyle Plymouth)! That is a deal too good to pass up (and no funny Goodwill smells either)! So here are a few suggestions for places to put on your short list: Rodeo Drive in St. Louis Park, Turnstyle or Plato’s Closet both with many metro locations. Happy hunting!

Does your truck have, "balls?"

So in all fairness we talked boobies yesterday, so today we talk (gulp) nuts. I'm not talking peanuts, walnuts or guys' nuts (yikes). I'm talking straight up, red-neck, motor head bumper nuts. Oh but wait! You don't have to drive a truck to participate in all the ruckus! Let em hang from your tractor, motorcycle or local firetruck (?!). Oh ya baby, just let em swing in the breeze as you cruise down the freeway (never mind all the people pointed and laughing). Not sold yet? You've got options here like the blue balls, nuts of steel or even the brass balls! I say order a case and blame it on St. Nick when they end up in every one's stocking. You think I'm kidding? Take a peek at my go to source for online knowledge, Wikipedia! I love how they try and remain all P.C. in the explanation of why in the H. E.L.L. someone would hang huge testicles from their hitch. Anyway I bet we all have a, "special," someone in our lives that would likely purchase these and let em hang low and loose. For your sake I hope that, "special," someone isn't the guy who signed your marriage certificate.

HELLO My Name is Boobie.

Welcome to your Tuesday, boobie themed, blog post. Unless you have been living under a boobie you know October is breast cancer awareness month. The radio is yammering on about it, Fabulous Over Forty is posting products which donate proceeds to research and ladies across the nation are pokin' and prodin' making sure their boobies are on the up and up (regardless of what gravity is trying to do). So here's a few of, "just the facts Mister... Miss..." All boobies over the young age of 40 should get an annual mammogram. Sounds easy, right? Then do it already. No more putting things off or avoiding cuz you don't want to chance getting any bad boobie news. The key to fighting the disease is EARLY DETECTION! I know you've heard this same ole boobie song and dance before, but it's true! You have a 25-30% (or higher) chance of beating the snot outta breast cancer if you take the boobie by the nipple (kinda like the bull by the horns) and practice preventative medicine. Ok, so you've taken a moment to call and schedule your yearly exam so we should chat about what you CAN do to lower your risk. Maintain a healthy weight via a good diet and exercise, stop smoking even though it's a tough one, limit your alcohol intake and avoid sustained hormone replacement therapy for 5 years or longer. So it may be tricky, but if you put your mind (or should I say boobies) to it I know you can do it-PLUS-the 34B cup is a guaranteed boobie cheerleader. Ok, so we talked boobies and now we can't part without talking about how to help. My favorite way? Eat lots of Yoplait yogurt! I do! Take a peek inside my refrigerator! For every pink lid you lick clean and send in Yoplait will donate 10 cents to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®, up to $1.5 million. They guarantee a donation of at least $500,000! Collect those lids and get them in by December 31st, 2008. Click here for more details.

It may be a bit cliche, but, knowledge is power! To learn more visit this F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C. boobie web site! I mean seriously if you want a light hearted look at how to detect/prevent/know breast cancer this is the site to see. Pleez, don't leave without looking here first...

Oh and before I go... Boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie... just for fun. P.S. Rock on Lola!

34B's MacDaddy Mac-n-Cheese.

I've always sort of wondering how due credit is given to a particular recipe. I mean, was Aunt Clara's potato salad dressing really her own concoction, or stolen property from her mom or her mom's mom? I for one have never really had a recipe donned with my name... until now. I always get a chuckle outta folks who don't want to share a good one. Not me, not the 34B cup, and today I share my FIRST, and perhaps only, self made comfy food recipe. You read it right. I have been searching for a home made macaroni and cheese recipe good enough to win a blue ribbon. I've bought the expensive cheeses (Fontina, Gruyere, etc) and still my pursuit for the perfect cheesy casserole kept on. Triumphant with my own, "Ru-paul," and the basic shredded sharp cheddar I was. I thought Ru-Paul was a fitting name considering he/she had a few lumps to hide of his /her own if you know what I mean. You, as my loyal readers, have exclusive rights to try it out, and if you really love it, go ahead and claim it as your own. Here's how the cheesy-bliss happens:

4 C Milk

3/4 Stick Butter

1/2 C Flour

1 Pinch Ground Cloves (cuz, I hate dirtying teaspoons)

1 Pinch Ground Nutmeg

2 Pinches Dry Mustard

4 Bay Leaves

Fresh Ground Pepper-to taste (whatever that means)

Fine Ground Sea Salt-to taste (my guess is about 2-3 tablespoons)

1 Yellow Onion-chopped fine

2 C'ish Shredded Sharp Cheddar

1 lb Bacon (fried crispy and chopped into bite size pieces) (I bake mine in the oven at 400 to eliminate all the greasy splattering on the stove top) (Blot some grease off with a towel if it makes you feel better)

1 lb Macaroni

2 C B's Bread Crumbs (recipe below)

So I've never, "written," a recipe before so bear with me...

Butter the sides and bottoms of large casserole dish (or do two small so you can share one with a friend or neighbor). In a large sauce pan melt butter. Add 2 C milk and heat on low until milk bubbles around sides of pan. Add the flour to the remaining 2 C of milk and stir the hell out of it. The goal is to try and get all the lumps out. Add the milk/flour mixture to the pan. This, my friends, is what I call the, "Ru-Paul." I don't call it just roux because it is impossible for me to make a proper roux without lumps. My first go attempt ended up in the garbage disposal. Anyway get it as smooth as possible and then don't worry about it cuz all those diced onions with hide any little lumps. So you've added the onion and now go crazy with the seasonings. Stir in the cloves, nutmeg, mustard, bay leaves and salt and pepper. Turn the heat up till the Ru-Paul bubbles then reduce heat to low stirring constantly. Simmer on low for about 20 minutes stirring occasionally. In the mean time boil your macaroni in salt water until al dente. Drain macaroni and add to baking dish-mix bacon in with the drained macaroni. Remove and discard bay leaves. Stir 1 C of shredded cheddar into the Ru-Paul. Spoon the Ru-Paul onto the macaroni/bacon and mix it all together. Sprinkle 1 C (0r so) shredded cheddar on top of noodle mixture and then top with bread crumbs. Bake at 350 until bubbly (about 25-30 minutes in my convection oven). Observe how bad the test kitchen looks after this whole ordeal. Where in the hell are my soux-chefs???

B's Bread Crumbs

Thinly slice your fav sour dough bread

Drizzle with olive oil

Sprinkle with fresh ground pepper, fine sea salt and garlic powder

Bake at 400 until golden brown on both sides-turning once during baking (approx 30 minutes).

Put slices in a bowl or recently used sauce pan and smash to the be-geez-uz using whatever your preferred kitchen tool may be.

Enjoy!

Fashion Friday: Fall Scruf

For whatever reason fall seems to be the season of stubble. I guess it just goes hand in hand with dark indigo denim and nubby wool sweaters. Perhaps its an added feature of insulation protecting from the fresh fall air. I dunno but I'm for it-kinda. I'm all about the third day. The third day dans shaving leaves the, "not too much, not too little," amount of 5 o'clock shadowness. Day three isn't quite as prickly and just on the verge of looking slightly groomed vs manly-man rugged. A smooch isn't going to leave your face whisker burned, just, dare I say, tingly? My squeeze is a perfect example of polished rugged. OK, so here's the inside trick. The neck must be clean. The scruff should be trimmed following the jaw line under the chin. Are you with me on this? Hate it? Love it? Totally over it cuz THE only important thing to know is it's Friday? Cast your vote to the right. See ya'll Monday!

The artist formerly known as...

... the 34B cup. I really truly think in my previous life I was a rocker. I mean I have stage presence oozing out of my every pore. It's the talent thing I seem to be lacking. BUT, that is all about to change people! That's right. Request your autographed photos and guitar picks now cuz I just might be the next Joan Jett. Last night I had my very first acoustic guitar lesson. I wasn't totally sure what to expect when I showed up at Pitch Fever and the, "lobby," was full of 5th grade boys playing guitar hero. I must admit I was a little apprehensive to admit to my teacher, Tim, that I have never played any sort of musical instrument in my entire life. No piano, no violin and definitely no marching band instruments. I'm about 10 years Tim's senior, but he proved to be a truly fine instructor. I walked out the door 30 minutes later knowing how to hold and tune my guitar (BASICS people-I'm at square one), how to read and play 8 open cords. You know, third finger, sixth string, third fret, second finger, fifth string, second fret, fourth finger, first string, third fret makes the open, "G," cord for example. If only I had the dexterity to contort my metacarpals into the proper positions-I equate it to Twister for your paddie-cakes. But, practice makes perfect and I have six days till guitar 101 take 2. I'm all sorts of jazzed about my new, "Alzheimer's preventative," hobby. Heck, I got home and b-lined to the bathroom to trim every last finger nail to the shortest possible length. I promise (perhaps threaten) a blogger video as soon as I can put a little something something into music.