Ramblings of a 34B cup...

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Friday, February 29, 2008

Fashion Friday-Only YOU can fight VPL Violations

Today we tackle a serious subject on Fashion Friday. The (panty) lines have been drawn in the sand and we must win this fashion-faux-pas battle. The VPL (visible panty line-duh) crime rate is on the rise in both urban and rural areas across the US of A and I for one will not rest until each person (male & female) is outfitted with the perfectly fitting thong (too much drama?)! Now sure, you can always rock the "commando" attack against this terrible regime (ohhh, could I out someone here, but a certain C cup will remain anonymous) but you run the risk of a the chaffing revolt (gulp!). So your best defense boys and girls is to suit yourself up in a perfectly fitting thong, g-string, banana hammock, butt floss, or the like. Head on out to your favorite retailer and make an investment in your future and our country.

AND remember as my old pal McGruff says, "take a bite out of (VPL) crime!"

P.S. A little birthday celebrating will be happening tonight for a special gal (cup size unknown at time of post). Alrighty my little blogging under garments-tune in Monday for the party review.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

BREAKING NEWS! Jack Turpin for Vice Pres!

Hi kids! We interrupt todays blog about MANscaping to bring you a photo hot off the press! Check it out! Jack with Obama! I love it! Way to go Turpins! We need to see the photo being taken from the other angle now! (For all the non Mavericks out there Krissy-the excited mom- is a dear friend and old college roomie.)

The fabulous world of MANscaping

Today we tackle a taboo sort of topic head on (you sicko) with a Philips Norelco and a fresh pack of double A batteries. Right now my hubby is shakin' in his boxer briefs that I may spill the beans on what happens behind locked bathroom doors. Honey, your secret is safe with me (and my poor coworkers who have already heard the first hand account). Listen boys grooming is a must (even in those hard to reach sort of areas) no matter what you been told. So today I am doing my part to make sure that all those lucky ladies in your lives are just a little happier. This informative web site kindly provided by Philips Norelco will discuss how to tackle trimming items like these guys..... and this thang... and in between this dark and scary place... I refuse to even go here...

This web site is hilarious and will give you a first hand (sick) lesson on the ways of man grooming. It is a MUST see: http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/. May I suggest two areas of expertise in case you are in a pinch for time? Be sure to go to the word "body" at the lower right hand corner of the screen to hear the introduction. Then be sure to tune into the section under the main menu titled "where to shave" as it is a treasure trove of knowledge. Enjoy, alright?

See you tomorrow for Fashion Friday? Perhaps a hint for all the bikini waxing bloggers? Think a nineties hit by Sisqo...

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Heard it from a friend who...

...heard it from a friend who-oo-oo, heard it from another... Is this not THE greatest REO Speedwagon song or what? If only I could have scored a dance with Nate A. at the Jr. High AARC dance...alas enough of the tangents.

As of late I have been feeling a little more green. "Greener" as in my love for patent leather forced me to by these cute, little (9.5 to be exact), grass colored, ballerina flats topped with a shiny chrome clasp AND "greener" as in thinking about how to reduce my carbon imprint on this world of ours (Al Gore eat your heart out). So when I found out about these fun tote bags I was totally on board. Changing the world and making a statement all at the same time-talk about sweet! This set of 5 Environsax bags are lightweight, waterproof, reusable, and only $35 greenbacks. Roll em up and tuck them back in the red carrying satchel for good measure. I carry mine in my glove compartment or in that HUGE patent leather bag (surely the cause of my future hunch back) I carry. The best part of all? They hold a ton of junk and I can carry them over my shoulder and haul stuff like the pack mule I am (God forbid I make two trips). Check em' out at Delight.com. What a great idea birthday idea for the eco-savy gal, plus I love that the arrived perfectly wrapped in my signature pink tissue paper.

On tap for tomorrow a very sensitive topic: MANscaping (wink, wink).

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

A Tribute To Hollywood 34Bs!

Every once and again you need to give yourself a little shot in the arm ya know? A little reminder that even a 34B's cup can runneth over (totally stolen from AmyB-thank you). Hence a stacked (pun completely intended) Tuesday post with some celebrity 34B cups. I am among good company. I mean seriously take a look at Lauren Bacall over there. Encyclopedia Britannica's entry for her reads "American motion-picture and stage actress known for her portrayals of provocative women who hid their soft core underneath a layer of hard-edged pragmatism." I don't even know what that means and I'm impressed.

Whhhhyyy its grease lightnin'! Look at me Miss Sandra 34B Whoa Nelli-I wish I could look that smoking H-O-T in leather pants!

Also keepin' it real is Cameron Diaz "I'm technophoboic," Cameron Diaz told the Houston Chronicle. "I think technology is a really terrifying thing and it is going to cause a lot of problems for our society, socially. I don't have a computer and I don't know how to turn one on." OMG-so she may not be the sharpest pencil in the tray BUT if she had it all I would totally hate her.

Oh Katherine Hepburn. I just loved her in On Golden Pond circa 1981. I must say this picture of her with that ciggy butt is a little creepy though. She was quoted saying, "If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased." Oh for sure honey-totally my MO.

Then we have Apple's mama Gwyneth Paltrow. While she may have a touch of the HepA I am still allowing her honorary membership into the club. "Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick." -Gwyneth Paltrow. Amen.

Last, but surely not least Farrah Fawcett. I don't even want to talk about what she has going on with her fanny cancer. Is she not the cutest 70's pin up girl e-vah? I love that my MOM had this same hair do.

Well my little blogging under wires-come back to visit me tomorrow to see another favorite thing. Until then TTFN.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Obama Fo Yo Mama!

Alrighty then, lets chat elephants vs donkeys blogger style shall we? Ok-first to all my republican bloggers take a chill... I just must say I am totally geeked out over this dude. Can you believe yours truly volunteered at his campaign headquarters before our state caucus?!?!? Dang shootin' I did-I called 165 people in two hours AND only got told told to get f'd 3 times. Not too bad if I do say so myself. As you can see from the photo the 34B cups "stand behind" Senator Obama. The girl at Urban Outfitters told me if we could pick the next prez based on T-shirt sales Mr. O would be our man. How bout a very scientific poll (margin of error +/- approx. 99%) predicting our next Mr./Mrs. President by what $24.00 T-shirt you would purchase? Click here to see Hillary's and click here to see Obama's. I swear I am not being a McCain hater(well maybe just a little) he just doesn't have an U.O. T-shirt! Because I am feeling generous he can still have a spot in the poll. Be sure to cast your ballot in the right hand column of the blog.

Sick of the race to the blanc maison already? Well then get stacked for the Tuesday post-Hollywood's 34bs.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Poll Results

In case you hadn't noticed my blog's first "pole" has concluded. Here are the final results and it looks as though I better stretch out well (as to not pull a hammy or something) as the stage is calling my new name: *Gretchen Willow!

Seriously, I am so pleading the fifth. 1 (wimp!) vote (7%)
*Anyone can easily formulate your stripper name by using the name of your first pet followed by the name of the street you grew up on. Go ahead and try it-I dare you!

Friday, February 22, 2008

FASHION FRIDAY with a Miss Kato Bonus Feature!

Well hello my little blogging fashionistas! Welcome to the very rockin' inaugural edition of Fashion Friday. Each week I will attempt to satisfy that inner Diva with a little fashion fix of sorts. Will it be the hot sale of the week? Or perhaps a fashion show and tell of sorts? Or maybe I'll be putting spotlight on some poor fool's fashion faux pas. Now, gents never fret-I am an equal opportunity blogger and you will not be left in the dark. Well now enough of the niceties-let's get this blog started. Today, I am tickled to introduce the cutest little leather flower rings I have ever set eyes upon. These fun, flirty accessories are HANDMADE by my favorite artisan, and friend AmyB (34A cup in case you were curious). Each ring has two complimentary colors for the petals and band then finished off with a center bead to add a little razzle dazzle. They are sold as a set of three (to share or hoard-you decide), and are one size fits most. These little gems are quite durable and will stretch slightly due to the inherant qualities of the leather, but never fear just get them wet and they will shrink back up (just like that fav pair of 7 jeans that bag out after a night on the town). For sale on Etsy and I will put a link to her site on the right!

MISS KATO BONUS FEATURE!!! My little brown bear turns six years old today. While she may totally hog the bed, snore louder than my husband, and get up way too early on Saturday mornings I wouldn't have it any other way. Something about that unconditional love thang that really makes this hound special. She wants to lick you in the face with the worst morning breath (my hubby gives her a run for her dog treats), she wants to roadtrip regardless of the destination and she is thrilled to see me if I have been gone 5 minutes or 5 hours. Certainly Dr. Silverstein, DVM is a fan of our labrador-I am fairly confident she has funded many of his ski trips and certainly a substantial portion of his children's college funds. Bottom line I love this Clifford of a dog even though my credit card may not. Happy Birthday Miss Kato!

Soooo, check back in again for some weekend photos AND tune in Monday for a little discussion on politics 34B cup style.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The BIG "Pole"

Hello blogger world. Here we are the day of the BIG "pole". To wear my extensions and become a valuable DeJaVu employee (btw I refuse to work there if they say I have to be "one of the 3 ugly ones") or keep it real and carry on in the interior design world. A lot is riding on the outcome of this race... I am sure everyone will be waiting with baited breath for the results on Monday. Posting these self taken photos is a lot like hearing your own voice on an answering machine-very painful. Have a look and then cast your official vote in the column to the right.

Brooke, Interior Designer
Brooke, Stripper Extraordinaire

Speaking of show girls I thought I would put a plug out there for the book I am currently reading. Not to be read by easily offended Candy Girl, by Diablo Cody is as City Pages indicated "A glorious act of too much information." Pruda (you know who you are) would absolutly curl up and die (but you would die happy for sure).

Tune in tomorrow for a double feature! The first post of FASHION FRIDAY and Miss Kato turns 6!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Presto! Exotic Dancer Hair

Drum roll puh-leeez!.!.!.!.!. My new favorite thing all sassy ladies must have...REMY clip in hair extensions! I can go from your run-o-the mill gal to a pole dancin' vixen (listen this is MY blog and I reserve the right to embellish whenever I want) in about 6 minutes flat. Look out Sheiks here I come! These things are A-W-E-S-O-M-E! The one major down fall is they aren't givin'them away free. But it is well worth the cash-o-la when you think of that Crystal-Gayle-looking-broad who had to patiently grow and maintain these sleek locks only to have it chopped off in an instant. No guarantee these shiney tendryls will pass any random drug testing so always clip in with caution. I don't advise fastening them in your fav guys hair unless you are into the Bret Michaels Rock of Love look. I think it is fair to say that I would not be attracted to my husband if he sported the 80's hair band look AND yes I speak from experience-we tried it. Now on the contrary dudes seem to dig this high school sort of "no-do hairdo". Encourage them to go ahead and run their fingers through "someone's hair". I was telling MOM that "hubby" wasn't so sure about the whole recycled hair notion and she said, "at least it's not short and curly". And you wonder why I turned out the way I did. Ok so go ahead give em a test drive-I think you are gonna like em. Check em out here:


On tap for tomorrow my first online poll Brooke Au Natural battling it out against Stripper Brooke. Check back to see the photos and cast your official vote-I mean really what else do you have to do?

Maiden Voyage!

Ok so first things first. Cut me a little slack. I am a virgin blogger and today is my maiden voyage. One may ask why blog? My husband has already inquired and couldn't understand the use of it all until he found out one of our fav friends is still blogging away. He responded with "well if she is blogging it must be cool"! Some days I swear-if anyone wants him they can have him. Ok so back to the question at hand. Why blog? Well why not I say? I have lots of very important topics to discuss. Gossip, my completely crazy (and totally fun) family, my fav things, the occasional dirty joke courtesy of my good ole MOM and just how to navigate this big wide world as a 34B cup. I heardo by solemly swear to love my blog and try my best not to abandon her and to keep her as current as best pal AmyB's hair color. Check back everyone once again if you are in the mood for a little usless 34B knowledge. On cue for tomorrow-my new favorite thing...

Au Revoir.