Itsy, Bitsy, Teeney, Weenie...

and when I say "weenie" I mean as in yellow polka dot you dirt balls. Well anyway, if you had a chance to snoop around the sidebar of my blog you will see a new feature. I know, no one wants to do it and fur-shur no one wants to utter a word about it. But my vitamin D deficient blogging pals we can no longer avoid the countdown to summer and the dreaded preparation of bikini season. I know. The sun maybe hasn't seen those hard to reach parts since last summer and maybe longer. Before you freak out and decide to sit this one out and just hang in the A/C all summer chill a sec. There's time kids we just need to get our fannies in gear and hit the trails ASAP. We have exactly 73 days from this point forth to do what we have to do to stand a chance against the battle of the winter bulge. I am going to face the battle head on and target the areas on my body that have suffered the most "winter kill." See for me it's the extra in the saddle bag area & the additional junk in the trunk I have been carrying around. I mean I'm no idiot-I'm not gonna hang with Kate Moss by the summer solstice, but getting a bit more lean is totally do-able. So anyway I did a little math (not really my bro-in-law did) and figured working out 5 times a week between today and Summer 1 mean 50 work outs (at which point he said "that sounds terrible"). Whatever, I am always up for a good challenge and I thought if I put it on the blog you might (and I might) hold me to it. Listen, we're not talking lb's here we are talking about the feel good factor which I think is what matters most. So here is my pact to you... I'm gonna work on tightening up my cheeks and ironing out my dimples (not on my face you nerd-farther south) and when I do I'm gonna find some cute lifeguard-type and perform this "chest stand" like in the photo instead of my typical keg stand (another blog post). (PS I have no idea who the goof balls are in this keg stand photo, but I think this chick's form is a perfect 10)

See all you toned and tanned bloggers tomorrow (and you pale and ones too).

Rise and Shine

Latte is right sister! A latte money is deducted from the family checking account each week to get our fill of the fully leaded, high octane, piping hot beverage that clears the cob webs from our sleepy heads. My hubby has been known to consume up to two of the medium-non-fat(***ya right)-turtle-mocha's a day from the folks at the Bou (cha-ching). I my blogging barristas love, love, love my Cuisinart Thermal Grind and Brew for sure one of my favorite things. I am pretty confident I have mastered the perfect cup-o-joe. We brew only the best in the Grove and my personal fav is Starbucks Breakfast Blend baby-no Folgers here (best part of waking up my arse!). My perfect concoction is 1 part fat free vanilla International Delight and 4 parts freshly brewed java (I mean seriously it is crucial when your alarm fires off at 5:10am). Now if your the fancy coffee type (my husband once ordered his fav drink with a hunting buddy and his pal asked if his coffee came with a purse-ha!) may I suggest a really cool new kitchen appliance? I mean this is really rockin'. The Nespresso machine can make a true cup of espresso or a more coffee like version of it (for all the light weights). Step One: just pop a little "pod" of your prepacked caffeinated-drug of choice, press one button and its show time. Step Two: Fill up the Aeroccino (yah, I know not sure who was the wise gal/guy that came up with the names) with milk a press of another little button and voila you are on your way to the perfect froth and steamed milk. The downside? Be sure you have the coffee "pods" on the grocery list when you do all your shopping at Bloomingdales. With these kind of brew at home options there is no need to shell out $5 a pop at the local boulangerie (hubby) & on the contrary I don't recommend a $1 cup from your local 7-Eleven unless you want to spend the rest of the day in the johnnie.

***One of my best gal pals was a Indigo barrista and recently confessed spiking all the skinny girls drinks with whole milk when the ordered skim-I mean seriously it doesn't get any better than that! Can't wait to see all you white lie telling bloggers tomorrow!

Home, Home on the Range...

...where the deer and the B cups play. I single handedly shot this video (impressive, I know) of a herd of Bambis' right in my own back yard. I hope they all evade the Elmer Fudd's of the world (and your bumper) and make it through many-a-deer-hunting-seasons.

It's always fun to jet set, but even sweeter to come back H-O-M-E. When I arrived home at 1:30am I plopped my bags down at the door, took a shower hot enough to quickly empty our water heater and wash away the travel funk. Ooooohhhhh, did it feel good to pull the flannel sheets up to my chin in MY OWN BED after being gone for a week. Then my hubby crawled in and tossed and turned until he found just the right spot to begin his slumber (and muffled snore). Aaahhhh, oh well (back to me) I just re-fluffed my pillow and found another cozy position and re-tucked the sheets up high around my neck. And then; Miss Kato flops her 80 pound frame along the other side of my travel weary body and claims her stake on our now fully loaded king size bed. Hhhhhmmm, (all about me once again) I just streeetttchhh each of my legs out enough so I have carved a perfect little spot to catch some zzzzz'z. Ughh, by now my husband re-adjusted and was breathing right in my face and I could hardly separate carbon dioxide from fresh oxygen. I decide to roll over which is a struggle since I was then "pinned" like a " crazy in a St. Peter straight jacket" in between the dog and my hubby. Once I finally got turned over and correctly the pajamas that where wrapped around my body like a tightly wrung out rag-I nestled right back in... Until Miss Kato started dreaming-tail flopping, legs striding and lip curling to release a sleepy woof in her REM pursuit of whatever she was chasing. Time check... 2:17am and I briefly reminisce about the apartment in NYC and a bed all to myself. In my last attempt to get comfortable I hold my breath and puuuussssshhhh both of my legs out to the sides (so glad for the extra reps on the inner/outter thigh machine at the club) successfully moving the dead weight my sleepy hound on my right and my drooling hubby on the left. PRAISE J.C. !!! I could finally drift off into my much anticipated sleep thinking "it's so great to be home!"

Rub the "sleep" out of the corners of your eyes and come back around tomorrow for your morning cup of java and your dose of the 34b cups!

A smidgin' of the east coast...

Well now that didn't take long now did it? I think I just might be hooked. I think I may like being a part-time New Yorker. I mean just today I left the apartment in Tribeca and jumped on the 6 train uptown and got off Spring Street just in between Lafayette and Broadway (Soho for all you Midwesterners) to run a few errands and act important. This city has great energy and ooodles of people everywhere. I noticed a few things... people don't look at people much-everyone is just pretty much on a mission to get where they need to go and making any eye contact just isn't worth the extra effort. I notice people wear A LOT of black, brown, grey and navy-so just to go against the grain I bought something I have had my eye on for really long time. Now if these don't say hello 34b cup I don't know what does! Yes, the low tops-woulda sprung for the high top Chuck-e-Taylors except they didn't offer them in my signature color. I spotted Keri Russel and her cute little bambino strolling down W Broadway by the Amish Market. Of course I can hear city folk round here talk a little funny and though I haven't quite put my finger the exact problem yet I do know I am a little more aware of how the folks in the movie Fargo sounded. I am amazed at how everything gets delivered. I mean I have NEVER been know for being frugal, but picture me on the subway, sweating like a hoar in church, toting more bags, upon parcels, upon packages trying to avoid the average $15.00 courier fee?!? Listen I give up-once the 35b cups began to collect the always attractive cleavage (or lack there of) sweat-I gave up surrendered. Sign me up deliver it all-the $15 bones is worth it my friend. Only in the big apple does the cute chick at triple B (Bed, Bath and Beyond) asked if my boss, "was my husband?" What she was really wondering is why does your "husband" like boys too, or why is he "gay as dutch doors" as he himself says?!? We both got a kick outta that! I mean where else do you get to stay in a great apartment on the 31st floor (overlooking the "hole" - I know a little grim -think 9/11) with your other boss, who is also as he says, "a little light in the loafers" AND have cocktails at the proper hour, a pre-dinner drink, followed by wine with dinner, succeeded by an after dinner drink and just in case I wasn't fuzzy by then one more "night cap" at home in our jammies. Why not have that last shot of port before bed. Gheez-these guys/ladies/whatever really know how to take care of a woman (alright, in some ways). Anyway, think of me tomorrow night as the B's sail over the US of A headed toward home (and detox).

I can't go until I say a very special thanks to my bloggy sitter and friend, Ms. Nicki. I mean did she do a great job or what? And if you think I didn't text her in a moment of panic about missing a post then you are totally kidding yourself. Ahhh, it's gonna be good to be home.

Technical Difficulties

Due to technical difficulties, 34b Cup has no access to the internet. Who's shocked here? You're getting everything lined up, everything hinges on getting the stupid computers hooked up, you schedule the guy to come, he comes, he leaves, and nothing works. Then you call your IT guy, and he won't return you calls. Its not a big deal to him because his computer works, and now you've turned into one of those freaks who can't live without their computer. So you grab the closest thing you have to a computer, and its your pink razor phone, and you text everyone you know..."F! Stupid computers!"

I'm Hank and I'm bloggy sitting for 34b Cup. I wanted to put a cute picture of her and me on the internet, but this is as close as I could find. It includes things she loves dearly: Kato baby girl, her cute jeans, and well, of course me!

The noises sounded like they were coming from a zoo,
HAJ

Dance Party 34b cup and friends...

Remember when we used to pull on our size 4 Express "black pants," tuck our feet into uncomfortable shoes and freeze b/c we left our jackets in the car while we ran I.D. in hand to the club entrance?!? Gosh, we WERE all that and a can-a-beans fur sure! Those were the days of pressing the 34b cups up against the bar in attempt to get the bartenders attention (dah-it didn't work). I know you recall the nights of purchasing round after round of at-the-time-expensive cocktails and waking the next morning feeling like someone kicked your arse, stole all your money and pooped in your mouth (yes, some of this still happens). These were the nights of wearing matching bra and undies AND pre-parties AND after-parties. Then at some point you get old... Everyone you hang with procreates and the party moves from sticky dance floors to sunken living rooms. Instead of starting at 9 we meet at 5. Instead of bartenders we self retrieve beers from the garage fridge. AND instead of matching undergarments I make sure I don't have any holes in my wool socks. BUT, my friends, we haven't completely lost it yet. The consumption still happens and then we do this... (sorry it so dark-we keep it that way so you can't see the forming crows feet) Can't wait to see you tomorrow (without the beer goggles on).

EXTRA, EXTRA, read all about it!

I can't believe it and you won't either! I wake up and feel nausaus! My tummy is pushing over the waist band of my sevens! I am consuming Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia by the pint full! I don't know whether to paint the now guest room Benjamin Moore 2063-70 Cumulus Cotton or 2008-60 Little Piggy! My hubby is logging the miles from casa 34b (working on 34c) to the nearest hospital! I'm thinking of a Mazda5 mini van instead of a Mazda3 hatchback! I just ordered a suction-cup-attached "Baby on Board" sign for that van! Instead of push ups I'm dreaming of breast pumps! My latest read is "What to expect..." instead of "The Manny!" I mean if we aren't careful we could seriously screw this kid up! I have so much going on right now I almost, and I mean ALMOST forgot to wish you a Happy April Fools Day! Maybe I should have opted for the ole rubber band on the kitchen faucet sprayer trick?