Under the weather...

I'll take two and blog to you in the morning.

PS I want my MOM.

This laundry won't do itself!

I don't know how I let it get sooo far out of control. One day life is good and the options of available clean underwear are endless. The next day you are standing bare-arse-naked in your closet searching the bin of undies. Upon the first round of digging you pass by the thong which cuts the circulation off to your brain. Forget the granny pants which bequif (did I really just use the word bequif? Did I spell it write? Don't mistake it for... never mind.) the VPL (visible panty line for any new and un-34bcup-educated readers). I'm certainly not going to wear the ones that are too tight in the waist, giving me a sort of spilling over the top feeling. Commando is not an option, at least not today, I'm not quite desperate enough. Why can't I just throw out all these stupid, ill fitting underwear and get on with going to work already. Time check: 6:45am and I gotta hit the road. Options: Speed wash? Hand wash/rinse a pair in the sink and hope my ion blow dryer has enough guts to dry em FAST. Recycle? Flip the back to front or the inside to outside. I'm grossing MYSELF out. Borrow a pair? Can you really tell if I am wearing a pair of boxer briefs under this wool a-line dress? Hose? Wear a pair of tights with a sort of built-in panty kinda thingy. I mean it's there for a reason, right? Right?

First, I'd like to thank...

...my fans (hellllloooooooo, anyone out there?), my family and of course Grace-Fabulous from Question Certain Perfection for the Superior Scribbler Award! Feels just like getting your name on the board with a star behind it! See Hubby? All that clicking away of non-sense finally pays off with a little pat on the backside (if you touch my bum, I'll break your fingers). So here's how this thang works. I, the proud recipient, accept the award (thank you, thank you) and then I pass it on to 5 more noteworthy blogs (a.k.a. colossally fun time burners). You in turn check out these 5 new blogs and see what all the hub-bub is about. The 5 blogs I mention pass on the award and we spread the love in chain letter fashion. Comprende? So drum roll pleezzzzzzzz:

No. 1 Mama's Losin' It - this gal is good! Who doesn't love an attention craving poodle?

No. 2 Looky Daddy - He's funny, he's witty, he's a darn good daddy blogger.

No. 3 Same Stuff Different Day - Let's all embrace a brand new blogger, who some how, some way, found her way to the B cups. Keep on writing and I'll keep reading.

No. 4 SevEn CLoWn CirCuS - For cryin' out loud! Let's be honest, anyone who can raise 5 little people and still blog rocks.

And No. 5 The Sits Girls - Because I'm hungry.

There. I did my part. The chain was not broken and now it is up to the fore mentioned bloggers to let the legacy live. Go on people! Dooooo ittttttt!

1. Post the award on your blog
2. Link me for giving it to you
3. Link the originating post here
4. Pass the award on to 5 more deserving people
5. Post these rules for your recipients

P.S. Don't forget to check out my every, single, day, tried and true flav-o-rito reads listed to the right. These daily reads are near and dear to my bloggy heart.

Retraction: No Good Answer...

I know it's Fashion Friday and I've made a promise to keep you up to speed on what I'm tracking in the vain world of clothes, shoes and accessories. But, today I feel so far from fabulous I can't come up with anything. Instead, I'll give a retraction to the statement I made yesterday about my post, "No Good Answer."

Yesterday I said... Of all days... Today... I got asked the good question... 10pm WCCO to see the painful response.

And today I say... It was not painful. More like excruciating. I've seeked him out, practically stalked, good ole Jason DeRusha on Nicollet Mall trying to get my 15 seconds of fame. Now if you REALLY know me you know I was really hoping to get on when my, "boyfriend," Ben Tracy did the segment. Alas, I missed my chance and he shipped out to interview all the California girls and Jason took his spot. Don't get me wrong Jason does a fabo job, but if I moved my not-so-secret crush on to him Hank's Mom would tan my hide. Anyway, you can tell my pal Betsy, "hates this kinds sh*t," as she so gently put it and I am practically yelling, "ROLL IT," before he can even get his introduction out. So go ahead watch the clip... Yes, I said, "CATASTROPHE," and my hubby pointed out I really meant, "EPIDEMIC." I'm a moron. And yes I really said, "layoff," to all the expert health advisers who say to get the flu shot. I'm way too sassy for my own good. And yes, I really truly said something about a bunch of people, "getting poked." What is wrong with me? Ashamed? I doubt it. If that were the case I wouldn't get through a single day. Seriously, though watch WCCO weeknights for more, "Good Questions," or view them online. If you are feeling really smart (or stupid for that matter) send Jason your own Good Question.

Monday: I pass on the torch for the Superior Scribbler Award. Stay Tuned! Have a great weekend AND if you really feel the need to protect yourself against disease spreaders like myself-go on get poked already.

Home SWEET SoDak

Gas up the car, pack some clean undies and stow your favorite mix tape (now commonly referred to as your ipod playlist) for the 4.5 hour road trip through the heartland. I know... It's some serious windshield time. If you pack enough, "seeds," to coat the walls of your mouth with canker sores and make a pit stop here for a, "gut-bomb," burger (dog treats given out at the drive thru)(don't kid yourself we stopped on both legs of the trek) (thanks NJ) it seems tolerable. Stiff legs and a sore bum are a small price to pay for walking in the garage to see this. If your name were Bonnie, Karen, Christian, *Little Brooke or Kelly you would know this is the chalkboard used to play school (or plot out military attacks-stupid boys) in my parent's garage. The current inscription has been there since the day (Fall, 1996) I left for college. Just a quick little sketch of the U-Haul my parents drug 450 miles to move their only kid into twin towers, 12 floors each, full of freshman sneeking beer inside their backpacks. Twelve years later it is STILL there! Of course the house is dec'd out in Halloween style, per usual, and this crazy little witch (handcrafted by yours truly in 3rd grade) is still front and center on the back door. Question? Are parents really required to hang on to stuff like this for 22 years? If we are talking years, it was 17 years ago that I got my first job HERE! I worked for $4.25/hour, yes, less than the minimum wage. Well come on, I was 14 and loved coming home with sweet ice cream smelling hair, a stripe of over sprayed malt on my navy blue oxford and red cherry slush stained Keds. Ahhhh, 1991... Life was simpler then. School passed out free games/rounds/matches/whatever at the local bowling alley, MOM gave you cash & dropped you off at the front door of the theatre, nothing in your closet required you to stop on the corner of Main Street and 6th Avenue and the worst thing that could happen was a burnt tongue from a molten hot, cream-style corn nugget from Scotty's. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade spots now for all the Pinot Noir in Oregon. I mean nothin' is like sharing a bottle with your God Mother (The Ginge) and your MOM. Or seeing with your own two eyes your 92 year old gramma looks JUST like she did when she was 82.
So like I said, no matter where you live, pack up the rig and head where ever home is.

I almost forgot. You want to know about *Little Brooke vs Big Brooke, right? Let me explain it with pictures. You see we had two Brooke's on Willow Drive. One Brooke was little, petite, as cute as a bugs ear. The other Brooke was tall, average Midwestern stock, with big feet. Yes, Big Brooke = 34B cup. If that won't scar a kid for life I don't know what will...

ROCK THE VOTE...

A quick update today before I tell you about, "home, SWEET, home." Go on and reward yourself for standing in line at the, "Church of the Open Door," for 1 and 1/2 hours! (BTW, why do the have a, "hot tub" in the lobby?) Sport your sticker all around town for free stuff! Free coffee at Starbucks! Free Ben and Jerry's ice cream! Free pint of Schells at Nomads! Free sex toy at Sex World (now I really have your attention!)! Free doughnuts at Krispy Creme! Free cookie at Wild Roast Cafe! Free admittance to the dance party tonight at First Ave! Free, Free, Free!!! I love FREE stuff (not as much as MOM, but I still LOVE it!)

PS If someone calls you tonight for the 16th time to remind you to vote, BE NICE! It might be the 34B cup!

You put yer right cheek in...

Two words... Right Cheek. Three stitches. Pain level... 1. I can't believe it. Of all moles to be concerned about who-da thunk the one that has rarely (I won't say never) seen a ray of sun needed to come off. So it happens, ya know? All those years of greasing up like the Thanksgiving turkey are bound to catch up with a gal. Oh I'm sure it's nothing but better to be sure. Take the mole send it to some lab and then call me in a few days (you will call, won't you?). In the meantime I'll shuffle like a 90 year old, hoist myself with my arms into and out of my car and learn to sleep on my tummy for the next 2 weeks. Updates (minus gross photos) to follow. Tomorrow-the weekend update. A little look at where the B cups grew up (riveting blog material, I know.)