A warm hello to Lutheran Airlines...

My friend Heather sent me this hilarious joke. This in particular is dedicated to my Cavalier friend who gets tired of me telling Catholic jokes (I figure I can tell as many as my brain can retain considering I'm Catholic too). So, anywho it's da Lutran's turn for a little humor.

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA! ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a upliftin experience. Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad;16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit dasafety system aboard dis Lutran Air. Okay den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis vonce: In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes—you're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin against us, which some people say 'trespass against us,' but what can you do? Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your head. We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffeepot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am not kiddin! Right now I'll say Grace:

Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close.

Now seriously, tell me that isn't funny?!?

A Halloween Blog Post

It just wouldn't be right if I didn't supply a MOM joke on Halloween Eve...

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg. He writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate.

Very Truly Yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he write a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find the enclosed monk’s habit. The long robe with cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

Very Truly Yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he write the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which read:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on the crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a carmel apple.

Very Truly Yours,
Acme Costume Co.

So stop me if you've read this one...

Nothing like a great forward to really get your day started off the right way. This one was specially delivered to my inbox by my friend Kari. This my friends is the true value of a Roncalli High School Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Nicki was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Nicki, who created the universe?" When Nicki didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Nicki. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Nicki, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Nicki didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Nicki in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Nicki and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Nicki fell back to sleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Nicki jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted...........


By now you all know the drill. On que for tomorrow Fashion Friday-AND-I think you're gonna like it!

As Promised... A MOM Joke

Oh this is just bad. My MOM loves bad jokes (some worse than others). Here is my first attempt at trying to relay her humor over the blog.

The setting: Lazy Aber-daber SoDak.

The time: Coffee break (Starlite Cafe-if you really need details).

Two old men are having mid morning coffee. One man says to the other, "Did you know Lions screw up to 10 times a day?" The other old man looks at him with disappointment and says, "you have got to be sh*#@ting me-I just joined the Elks!"

Ba-dum-bum-CHING!

Tomorrow a tale of denim-the good, the bad and the acid washed.